When my children were babies and toddlers, being a mom consumed all that I was. I wasn't Becky... I was Mom. Only Mom. My hobbies included eating, making baby food, eating, washing diapers, eating, and bouncing babies on my hip. It wasn't until I saw a counselor for my emotional eating that she asked what my hobbies were and when the last time I had time without the children. I had no answer for her. I had lost part of myself. Now that my children weren't infants anymore, I needed to get out of the
Helicopter Parent mindset (hovering over the children constantly, over-parenting) and start letting my children and me gain a bit of independence. And so began my journey of letting go of my fear and letting our children enjoy the same freedoms Jon and I enjoyed as kids.
It isn't easy to let go sometimes. I had the same fears a lot of parents have. What if someone takes them? What if they fall and hurt themselves? I even had fears about my own safety. Should I really walk around our neighborhood alone? I started researching a lot of what the media was leading us all to believe.
The first myth I researched was the myth that "the times we live in now are more dangerous". Actually, no, it's not more dangerous now.
Crime rates are at their lowest since 1970's BUT perception of crime is at it's highest rate ever. 70% of people say that they think there's more crime now then there was a year ago. Did you know you're actually more likely to die from suicide than homicide. Suicide is ranked 11th as the
leading cause of death in the United States while homicide is tied with Parkinson's disease is tied for 14th. So I suppose we should be more worried about being alone then with a stranger.
The more serious the crime, the less frequently it happens BUT the more likely it is to be reported by the media.
Here is a great article about the perception of crime versus reality. Turning the news off was a very important step in letting go of fear. When we stopped watching the nightly news, we stopped surrounding ourselves with stories of tragedy and terror. We still learn about the important world events but we're not subjecting ourselves to nightly horror stories (well, except for the scary movies Jon likes to watch... crazy guy!).
The next myth I researched was the myth that "our children are in so much more danger from strangers then ever before". I learned that it's another myth with no basis. A child has a 1 in more then a million chance of being abducted by a stranger. A child has more chance of drowning then he does of being murdered. Our children are as safe or safer now then in "the good old days".
Then why are we acting as if there's a Boogie Man lurking behind every corner? Why are children kept indoors and under close supervision at all times? Again, the media reports on every child related tragedy. The old adage of "if it bleeds, it leads" is definitely true with the news and other media. Parenting magazines are full of ridiculous articles that go to great length to make sure you, as a parent, are as paranoid and crippled with fear as possible. I've seen 3 page articles about all the gear you need to buy to keep your child safe from the sun, ads for helmets and knee pads to keep your baby safe as they learn to crawl and walk, and even ads for helping to ease eye strain from looking at notebook paper while they're in school.
In one generation, the space given to children to play and roam has become 1/9th it's previous size. Jon and I were both given so much space to roam and play as children.
I remember my mom letting my sister and I walk the mile down the street to the 7-11 to buy candy when I was a kid. We were probably 8 and 10 and we loved the adventure of getting to walk by ourselves and then make the difficult decision of what to buy with our dollar. Though our mom always taught us what to do if a stranger tried to bother us, we didn't live in fear. I walked to school with a friend or two, we walked to the pool down the street, and we rode our bikes all over the neighborhood without a parent there to watch our every move. We trick or treated by ourselves with our friends and even went door to door with school fund raisers. We were only driven to school when we missed the bus or after a dentist appointment. Jon rode his bike to his aunts house a few miles away and was given the freedom to explore the woods behind his house.
We don't want our children to miss out on those wonderful experiences. We want them to have wonderful memories of their childhood adventures. Those adventures taught us a lot about how to take care of ourselves.
A little more then a year ago, I started reading the
Free-Range Kids blog written by Lenore Skenazy. She encourages parents to let their children have the same freedoms and learning experiences that we all enjoyed as children. I agree with her that bike helmets and car seats are a must and should be used but that doesn't mean that we have to wrap our kids in bubble wrap and put them on a shelf. We're in danger of raising a generation of children afraid of the world around them and ill equipped to be a part of it.
Now that our children are reaching an age where they can understand rules and boundaries, Jon and I are happy to give them freedom to use their imaginations and learn to be more independent. I make my children spend as many hours outside a day as possible. They may not always be excited about going out at first but within minutes they're running around an inventing games. Most of the time they run outside without any argument at all. If it's wet outside, they put on their rain boots and splash in the sink hole. They'll be sad when we get that filled this winter. Yesterday they pushed the lawn chairs together to make beds so they could play "house". Later they lined up all the toys and made an obstacle course. All of this without any direction from me or Jon. I might peek out the window from time to time to snap a picture but otherwise they're on their own. The learn to look out for one another and to work together. They've become very close as siblings.
Letting go a bit has also has great rewards for us as parents. While the kids are outside, Jon and I get to have time to talk to each other without interruption, time to cook dinner without anyone underfoot, time to write a blog post, or even just time to enjoy the peace and quiet. And as we've (okay, mostly me) let go, the kids have blossomed.
I look for chances to help them get more independent each day. I send Charlotte to the neighbors with a message, I let Charlotte take Evan to the bathroom in Walmart while I'm in the checkout line nearby, and I send Evan out to get the mail (still watching him from the door since he's still learning to watch for cars). Do I sometimes worry about what might happen? Sure, that's only natural. I don't let my worst-first thinking keep my children from doing things that I know they're old enough to handle. I get so proud of them as I watch them do something new and you can see on their faces how proud they are of themselves.
This journey doesn't just end now. I'm sure, like parenting, fears and worries change as children get older. I just hope I'm well practiced in not worrying before the kids start driving!
"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."-Karl Augustus Menninger
This post has been linked to Simple Lives Thursday and Sunday School.
The types of fruit leather you can make are limitless. I like using applesauce as a base and adding other fruit to it. I added pureed strawberries to this batch of applesauce. Peach and apple is another favorite around here. I use some of the fruit that I froze this summer to make our leather.
After the leather is cool, I cut it using kitchen sheers while it's still on the foil since it's not as sticky that way.
Then I peel the foil off each piece and put the leather in a baggie.
I think put each snack bag in a large bag marked with the flavor. It's a lot of packaging but it makes it simple to pack lunches that way. 
Graham crackers 
